17 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week



The truth isn't always stranger than fiction. In these cases, it totally is.


1. Man buys 1,000 newspapers to hide DUI arrest; the story also ran online


toasto

You have to admire him for trying.


2. WikiLeaks to US government: Stop leaking secrets!


arstechnica

"That's our job!"


3. London breaches annual air pollution limit for 2017 in just five days



guim

Thanks alot BREXIT.


4. Man told to take citizenship test despite living entire life in UK


guim

Because illegal immigrants destroy countries, DUH.


5. Teenager buys local newspaper, vows to hold politician dad accountable


cbc

"So dad PROMISED to get me a car by the time I turned 18, yet here I am, a week after my birthday and no car keys in my hand..."


6. Thailand’s military ruler keeps writing syrupy pop ballads


pri

I'd rather have songs than petty ass tweets.


7. A great grandmother has been praying to a Lord of the Rings figure thinking it was Saint Anthony


independent

I don't blame her, Elrond does seem pretty majestic.


8. LG threatens to put Wi-Fi in every appliance it releases in 2017


youtube

I don't need hackers finding out what I'm planning to eat for lunch, thank you very much.


9. NYPD captain says he is 'not too worried' about rape increase as only rapes by strangers are 'the troubling ones'


flickr

Yeah, domestic rapists are way less scary.


10. York woman drives into Susquehanna River to avoid cops, drinks beer as car floats


mirror

I mean she was already in trouble...


11. Arizona Man Arrested for Possession Surprised to Find State Didn't Legalize Marijuana

"Are you sure Arizona wasn't on the list, officer?"


12. UPS Deliveries May Now Come Via Electrically-Powered Bikes


goodnewsnetwork

Great, so now the delivery guys can at least get exercises while playing ding-dong-ditch with your packages.


13. Deputies mistake kitty litter for meth; after 3 days in jail, suspect cleared

1


arklatex 

This is the face of the man who's already planning all of the things he's going to buy with his settlement money.


14. Georgia snow tubing park closed due to -- snow


wftv

Be easy on them, it's Georgia. They think 2 inches of snow is a big deal.


15. Beef-jerky plant employee fired after call to 911 over severed thumb


huffington post

Gonna lay off the dried meats for a while.


16. Feral cats cover more of Australia than the internet does


lawyersgunsblog

Well since the internet is all cat memes it's pretty much the same thing.


17. San Diego bank robber reveals identity by using ATM card during heist


zerohedge

Wow, I know it's only the beginning of the year but this guy may be in the running for dumbest criminal of 2017.


Source: distractify.com