Hopefully you are able to avoid having to ever deal with narcissists who will try to manipulate you. If you suspect you are affected by someone with this behavior, it’s important to first recognize the signs of their clever (but hurtful) tactics.
Narcissists have several traits, but above all, a narcissist is selfish. They are motivated by what is best for them, not what is best for you, and it is unlikely that you will ever be able to change that about them. Removing yourself from a narcissist’s influence is sometimes the best self-affirming thing you can do to protect your mental and emotional well-being.
A narcissist is pretty much required to believe that they are always correct, so to prove this, they will bring in a third person who they have already convinced to support them. This is pretty unfair to you, because if you had known that there was an evidentiary hearing, you would have brought witnesses of your own. You can possibly get away with a bluff of having plenty of your own people who are on your side.
Basically, you may have once seemed to be everything the narcissist wanted you to be, but now they seem to hate the very things that they once said that they liked about you. This is a way that the narcissist manipulates you into believing that you need to be even more than you are in order to please them.
Researchers studying narcissistic personality traits as they relate to aggressive behavior say that narcissists show the strongest associations with overt aggression, verbal aggression, and the inability to control their behavior or emotions.
Do not get into an unsafe situation with narcissists. Make sure that you protect yourself from being a victim of the abusive tendencies of a narcissist and know that you deserve better.
Although physical aggression is easy to see, psychological aggression is harder to identify. These are the traits of a psychological abuser according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
* Intimidating you or making you feel afraid
* Threatening you
* Denigrating language
* Withholding emotional, physical or financial support
* Controlling your access to friends and family
* Controlling your behavior
* Pressuring you to do things that you don’t want to do
If you are fearful for your safety, get to a safe location and call 1-800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org for resources and help with recovering from a domestic violence situation.
Belittling others and making them feel less valuable is one way a narcissist will try to manipulate you. If they can make you feel ashamed for your appearance, lack of education, or social class then they feel better by comparison.
‘I can’t win with you’ is one of the narcissist’s tactics. By playing the victim, the narcissist is pleading with you to console them and help them justify their inflated ego. Don’t back down from getting things your way.
Researchers studying the everyday behavior of teenage narcissists say ‘Narcissists do indeed behave in more extraverted and less agreeable ways than non-narcissists, skip class more (among narcissists high in exploitativeness/entitlement only), and use more sexual language.’ These people are likely to embarrass you in public and make you apologize to others for their behavior. By doing so, you are supporting the ego of the narcissist by being their lackey and smoothing things over and making it easier for them to continue to be able to get away with acting like a jerk.
A narcissist believes that everything should be about them, so don’t be surprised if they weren’t listening to you. Not only that, but the narcissist immediately turns the topic back to themselves and cuts you off when you are speaking, but will not tolerate it if you cut them off.
Whatever it is that you accuse the narcissist of doing, they reflect and blame you for. They project their behavior onto others because of course, they themselves are flawless.
Doing things you don’t want to do for a narcissist? Yes, they did that to you as another way of manipulating you. Somehow, they used a ploy to get you to obey their command in spite of your not wanting to.
Gaslighting is an insidious tool used by psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists. This tactic makes you question your own sanity. For example, if you tell a narcissist that you dislike what they said to you in front of your friends, they will deny it, offer proof that you are wrong, and assert that it never happened. No matter what proof you can provide to support your claim, they will insist that you were imagining things.
Yelling and insulting language is another way a narcissist will try to manipulate you. Again, the tactic is to make you feel small and fearful. Stay strong in the face of this kind of bullying behavior. Keep your voice calm and normal volume and ask the narcissist to do the same. If they do not change the way that they are speaking to you, refuse to talk to them.